God as Parent

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what God is like through the lens of (what little I know about) parenting.  This has become important to me as I've been pursuing my own transition into parenthood through adoption.

This article, written by a mother of a terminally ill child, gave me a lot to think about.  In what way is God's love like that of a parent who expects their child to die?  The author calls herself and others like her "dragon parents: fierce and loyal and loving as hell".  She goes on to declare,

I would walk through a tunnel of fire if it would save my son. I would take my chances on a stripped battlefield with a sling and a rock à la David and Goliath if it would make a difference. But it won’t. I can roar all I want about the unfairness of this ridiculous disease, but the facts remain. What I can do is protect my son from as much pain as possible, and then finally do the hardest thing of all, a thing most parents will thankfully never have to do: I will love him to the end of his life, and then I will let him go.

And that brings me round to the sacrifices God does make for us.  It's something I feel, primally, more than I can express.  I need to think about this further, and take some time to pray for the dragon parents out there.

Verse of the Day

"He has shown you, O man, what is good;
      And what does the LORD require of you
      But to do justly,
      To love mercy,
      And to walk humbly with your God? "

--Micah 6:8

Rooted in Forgiveness

The previous item has been rattling around in my brain ever since I posted it.  I'm struck by the beautiful simplicity of Mel Gibson's advice to Robert Downey Jr. about getting sober... find your faith, and don't worry about the form as long as it's rooted in forgiveness.

I hear a lot about folks like Gibson, characterized as pulpit-pounding doctrine dictators, and I know quite a few people who fit the description perfectly.  It came as a bit of a surprise that Gibson would give such ecumenical direction to his friend, if that is indeed the way he communicated it to RDJ.

There is so much negativity wrapped up in the word "Christian" these days.  People claim the title who act anything but.  I have a lot of virtual acquaintances who are downright proud of their unwillingness to forgive, and literally dare God to chastise them for it.  I know others whose priorities in faith put personal demonstrations of forgiveness, grace and mercy below doctrinal purity for its own sake.  And I am always at a loss for whether I should identify with such people, because their faith seems to be so very different from my own.

So I wonder if this could be used as a sort of shorthand... mine is a faith that is rooted in forgiveness, i.e. God has forgiven me, and thus I forgive you. 

What is your faith rooted in?

Hugging the Cactus

For all our exposure to news and not-news about celebrities, it's rare that we get to see the inner workings of their spiritual sides. Here, we get to see two, in this article describing how Robert Downey, Jr. asked Hollywood to forgive Mel Gibson for his various failings.

During Downey Jr.’s acceptance speech, he had even kinder words for Gibson. “I asked Mel to present this award for me for a reason,” he said. “When I couldn’t get sober, he told me not to give up hope and encouraged me to find my faith. It didn’t have to be his or anyone else’s as long as it was rooted in forgiveness. And I couldn’t get hired, so he cast me in the lead of a movie that was actually developed for him. He kept a roof over my head and food on the table and most importantly he said if I accepted responsibility for my wrongdoing and embraced that part of my soul that was ugly – hugging the cactus he calls it — he said that if I hugged the cactus long enough, I’d become a man.”

He continued, “I did and it worked. All he asked in return was that someday I help the next guy in some small way. It’s reasonable to assume at the time he didn’t imagine the next guy would be him or that someday was tonight. So anyway on this special occasion and in light of the recent holidays including Columbus Day, I would ask that you join me, unless you are completely without sin in which case you picked the wrong f—ing industry, in forgiving my friend his trespasses and offering him the same clean slate you have me, allowing him to continue his great and ongoing contribution to our collective art without shame. He’s hugged the cactus long enough.”

Wise Words

Saw this on my cousin's Facebook wall.  It's exactly what I needed to see this morning.

Out of Nowhere

Someone we know, who's had some unfavorable relationships, is once again getting out of a bad one.  The particulars were communicated to my wife, and thus to me, and I figured we'd send along some dollars to help her get out on her own again.

In our relationship, I tend to be the big spender/giver, while my wife tends to keep a more grounded perspective on our financial shape.  We hadn't talked about any concrete amounts yet, but I imagined we'd be sending amount X, and my wife would grudgingly agree to it. I was thus very surprised when she suggested an amount 2.5 times what I was thinking.

As we've continued discussing the situation, it's clear to me that she deeply cares about this person's situation, and wants to do the right thing to help them.  She's even considering ideas like driving across the country to deliver some of our excess furniture, which for her (hating road trips as she does) is a big deal. In my mind's eye, she is literally glowing with love and compassion, and it's incredibly beautiful to behold.

So today I'm seeing God in a new way, through her.

Fear vs. Love

I generally want to steer clear of politics on this blog, but I found this post beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.  We've reached a point where fear of evil people prevents us from doing good, and that's just sad. 

But the fact remains that no matter what, the law says his teachers cannot hug my child to console him.

In fact, they are legally not supposed to touch him at all. No gentle pat on the back. No helping him on and off with his pants to use the potty with the other kids, which is difficult for my boy, because he wears a scoliosis brace and it’s hard to bend and pull his own pants all the way back up.

But this is not just about children with special concerns or needs. I want the teachers to be able to touch my child when it’s the right thing to do. I DON’T CARE what the law says.

I'm reminded of Jesus asking if it was lawful to do good on the Sabbath.  Apparently it's not lawful to do good at any time in our schools.

The Many Stars that Guide Us: Maybe someday

The Many Stars that Guide Us: Maybe someday: The first time I saw Martian Child was in the movie theater. It came out 2 days after my birthday. I had two young foster children at home,...

The Many Stars that Guide Us is one of my favorite blogs. It's the blog of a single mother whose adopted child is a boy with Reactive Attachment Disorder. Every post is simultaneously heartbreaking and amazing. Sarah is utterly devoted to her son, and endures behavior one would expect from hardened criminals. She's honest, even when it isn't pretty, and loves, even when it doesn't feel good.

In the post linked above, she discusses one of my favorite movies, Martian Child, and how her son reacted to both it and the short pro-adoption spiel attached to it. It's a rare moment of beauty in his life and attitude, made all the more exceptional by the posts surrounding it.

I like reading her blog because it seems to me that God must feel like she does, a lot of the time. He loves children that will openly say they hate Him, is patient with those who react violently to His ministrations, and persistently, gently, repeatedly tells them that He loves them in spite of all the horrible things they do.

Sarah will tell you she's no saint, but it's not difficult at all to see the Divine spark within her.

I also find myself wondering, in the spirit of this blog, how many times I've passed by someone just like her and not even noticed the incredible strength of a parent struggling to hold it together?  How many out of control children have I clucked my tongue about, without considering that maybe there are extenuating circumstances?  I've come a long way from the brash judgments of my twenties and early thirties, but there is still plenty of room for me to learn to give people some space.

This is what it means...

This morning was a series of conversations that ratcheted up my angst over the aforementioned person of difficulty. Despite the inspiration I found in Bebo's words, I still despaired at finding anything God-like in my day.

I've spoken with some men I know and trust, and have gathered to me their wisdom and encouragement. I've also gotten the encouragement of a dear friend in terms of this project. I tend to look for God outwardly, to see His hand touching other lives, and it seems I'm always forgetting to look for God's hand touching my own.

So today I found God in the love and concern others expressed toward me as I deal with the difficult people and circumstances around me.

Drawing a Complete...

Wouldn't you know it, the first day I seriously decide to apply myself to this new project, I'm coming up blank. So I went looking for inspiration, and found the first line of this song really encouraging.

Purpose

The purpose of this blog, as might be surmised from the quote above, is for me to attempt to see beauty every day, and document it. I'm forcing myself to search for God in the mundane -- to find those things, people, situations, activities, and so forth that transcend the banal and reflect the Divine.

One might ask why I would want to do this, and it's a fair question. I've spent the past several years locked in struggle with various people. There have been arguments over politics, society, economics, crime and punishment, religion, philosophy, technology, and a thousand other things. I won some arguments and I lost some, but only very rarely made a lasting impact.

I eventually reached a point where I could not make any statement on my blogs, Facebook, or in forum posts, without being attacked and drawn into an argument over it. I felt like I was constantly having to defend my very existence to people who were completely capable of simply chalking the situation up to a man being entitled to his opinions.

Of course, I realized that a lot of this was likely my own fault. I've long had an argumentative streak, and I've often let it overrule my good sense and social graces. About six months ago, I simply stopped posting. My blogs have gone stale, I haven't said much of any import on Facebook, and I've all but quit the forums I used to frequent. I've missed a lot of the interaction, but I needed the rest, and I'm a lot more content.

I have a friend who's still in the middle of it. He argues daily with his coworkers, mostly about politics. He's talked to me on the phone almost daily for years now, and he's never happy. There's always something bringing him down, usually related to his arguments. Even as I've walked away from the activity, and seen the improvement in my own mood, I've tried to encourage him to do the same, but for some reason he just can't seem to do it.

So this is where it is. My mood's improved, but I'd like to see it continue improving. I want to focus on the positive, or at least the beautiful parts of the negative (see previous post). I want to, in my own way, "seek God on a daily basis". If that's what you'd like to read, that's what you'll find here, and welcome aboard. Cynics and malcontents, there's a whole internet out there in which to spread your misery, so expect your comments to be summarily deleted unless they bring something positive to the table.

Empathy

It seems to me that we are all damaged goods. There is a part of each of us that is wounded and hurting, a place of anxious fear, that we are constantly trying to protect.

It also seems to me that the key to practicing empathy is seeking out and understanding those places in others, particularly those whose behaviors we don't like. When we can see the wounds, or the fear, suddenly the behavior becomes understandable -- not excusable, but understandable.

I recently had a series of encounters with someone who was bizarrely, remarkably, aggressively rude. It was only after I had gotten over my shock and dismay at his behavior that I started seeing the signs of social anxiety, of being terrified of having left his comfort zone, and worry about having his performance judged by others.

It saddened me to see him wound up so tight among what were obviously people who wanted nothing but to have him fit in with the group. However, there is a kind of beauty in seeing the "whole" person (or at least a larger portion of them), especially the parts they don't want me to see.